Making Sense of Adolescence with the Neufeld Institute (Online)

Online Course Description

The key to making sense of the adolescent is to understand the underlying developmental dynamics as well as the attachment needs of the adolescent. These needs are typically underestimated due to the physical maturity of adolescents and the resistance to dependence that can result from becoming prematurely attached to peers. Adding to the confusion is the fact that there is more than one developmental pathway to adulthood and societal integration.

Adolescence literally means ‘growing into maturity’. An adolescent is neither child nor adult and therein lies much of the difficulty, the turbulence, the confusion and the challenge. They need us, yet need to not need us. We are their best bet, yet their instincts are to resist us. Unlike primitive cultures, our highly complex society requires a lengthy adolescence with very few rites of passage. The task of turning children into adults has never been more daunting!

Nature’s part in creating grown-ups is to equip them for adult functioning around the time of puberty, ready or not.  These changes create their own rites of passage that the adolescent must negotiate to truly mature. Unfortunately, growing up is not a given; not all adolescents embrace their developmental destiny. The most common temptation of adolescence is to replace parents with peers instead of becoming one’s own person. The most common mistake of adults is to back off prematurely. As long as an adolescent is not yet viable as a separate being, he or she is meant to be attached to those responsible for him or her.

These rites of passage create challenges for parents and teachers as well: the adolescent’s newfound idealism makes them critical of us; their developmental self-absorption makes them deaf to our perspective; their acute allergy to coercion makes them rather difficult to direct.

Our challenge as adults is to help our teens cross the bridge from childhood to adulthood, to encourage them to embrace their developmental destiny and to ultimately shoehorn them into adult society. Meanwhile, we have the day-to-day challenge of parenting and teaching them, of guiding and directing them, of shielding them from stress.

Adolescence is truly the womb of adulthood and those enveloped in supportive adult relationships have the greatest chance of successfully negotiating this tumultuous time. The challenge is not to treat them as if they were children nor to retreat from them as if they were adults. Learning to ‘dance’ with an adolescent commands the very best in us.

Suitability/Applicability

This material is relevant to anyone who is involved or will be involved with teenagers: parents, grandparents, teachers, counsellors, youth workers, family workers, therapists, social workers, psychologists. This course can be used for professional development for teachers, continuing education for helping professionals, and staff training for youth programs. This course is also appropriate for parents of preteens to prepare them for the transition.

Course Objective

The objective of this course is to make sense of adolescents from inside out. Every adolescent is an individual of course, but there are some common dynamics that affect all adolescents. Understanding what these dynamics are can provide the keys for knowing how to deal with the problems that may arise.

Some of the topics addressed include:
• the psychological changes at puberty that impact adolescents and those that parent and work with them
• how to deal with the premature loss of power and influence with an adolescent
• how to recognize when rebellion is healthy or a result of adults being replaced by peers
• the psychological temptations faced by adolescents on their journey to maturity
• how parents and teachers can avoid premature or forced retirement
• how to preserve or restore one’s rightful place in an adolescent’s life
• how to differentiate between relationship problems and behaviour problems in the adolescent
• how to hold on without holding them back

Online Course Outline

Session 1 - Crossing the bridge: adolescence in perspective (October 8th 7-9pm)
Session 2 - Two paths diverge: conformity versus individuality (October 15th 7-9pm)
Session 3 - Walking through aloneness and sadness: the necessary road to individuation (October 22nd 7-9pm)
Session 4 - Taking a wrong turn: when peers replace adults (October 29th 7-9pm)
Session 5 - The counterwill storm: how to survive teen resistance (November 5th 7-9pm)
Session 6 - Why adolescents need to feel more than ever (November 12th 7-9pm)
Session 7 - Becoming tempered: the key to adolescent balance and stability (November 19th 7-9pm)
Session 8 - Why adolescents need to play more than ever (November 26th 7-9pm)
Session 9 - Reclaiming our youth: how to hold, or win back, their hearts (December 3rd 7-9pm)
Session 10 - Becoming a sexual being: the pursuit of proximity in another dimension (December 10th 7-9pm)

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